A thought fell out…

I was recently re-united with a friend from high school. We knew each other some 15 years ago. Our friendship was very short-lived for reasons I am still discovering (he moved to my high school beginnning of our senior year and then away just a couple of months later. I never really knew what brought him to my school and I still don’t know where he went or why he went so suddenly) So all these years later, I found him. We have re-united and have started sharing our life expierences since high school. A suprising change in his life (at least it surprised me) was that he is gay. He didn’t seem to be in high school, but like I said we had just started to get to know each other. I have observed with interest the part of his life he shares on facebook and it brought me to an interesting group -”A day without gays.” I’m not totally sure what their mission is but I was facinated reading the posts and looking at the photos posted there.

 I am, and have been for a long time, a conservative Republican. I don’t know much about politics but from what I do know conservative Republican is the party I fall into. I believe every able-bodied person should work doing something productive.I think it sucks to give away a big portion of the pay for prodcutive work I earn to men and women who sit around and do nothing. I think if you have a business and you make that business successful that you should not have to share that wealth with someone less willing to work. I think if you work and fall short to meet your bills and put food in your house you should qualify for help and that it is a gross injustice that in order to qualify for help your income has to be so low as to nullify working at all – so people stop working and suck the life out of the government using a program that does not function at all in the way it was created too. I agree with Republicans on a lot of issues.

I am also a cross-wearing, faith-filled, Bible-reading, church-going Christian. I don’t go around banging people over the head with my Bible screaming about God and hell and damnation for evil sinners though. I just live my life in the way I feel God is leading me and believe that my quiet Christianity will affect those around me. I don’t debate my faith or argue with non-believers, that is my non-confrontational personality. If however, someone has questions or wants to civily discuss religion and God – I’m always up for stimulating conversation.

So being a conservative and a Christian there is one area of politics and religion that leaves me somewhat in the middle of the road unable to figure out what side I am on. The area of love and relationships and marriage and rights and each indivual’s sexuality. For years I have voted against gay marriage but I have done so with a confused spirit. I have always been of the mindset that live and let live or love and let love. Love is a rare gift and not everyone finds it. So if two people, with disregard to sex, age, color, religious affliation and so on, find each other and fall in love – who am I to deny them that gift. And so many hetrosexual marriages are shams and come from crazy circumstances not based in anything love related.

Since I started going back to church again, about six years ago now, I have voted with the church on these kinds of issues and have battled with my own sexuality and the Bible while doing so. I still don’t really have an answer.

Why does the government care if gay people get married? Why is this such an issue? What does it affect – either good or bad? I’m also torn because I want to teach my children (five boys) to be friends with all types and sorts of people. I don’t want them to look at people and see sexuality, color, religion. I want them to see a person who could potentially affect their life or whose life they could affect. God puts us all in each other’s paths for a reason. Some are big obvious reasons and some are smaller, more intricate – but there is always something you will take from the relationship or something you will give or a little of both.

I think it is hard for me sometimes because I really do believe the Bible is God’s handbook for life. The thing is that God didn’t personally write the book. He depended on humans to decipher what he wanted them to say. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe these people heard from God and did what they thought God wanted them to do. I mean, I hear from God on a very regular basis, but just as often as I decipher the still small voice correctly, I get it wrong. So with the mindset of the people thousands of years ago how do we know that the verses that we use to say homosexuality is wrong, were really what God wanted said? How sure are we that their lives, fears and beliefs didn’t creep into the scriptures they were writing? I know the verse that says all scripture is from God, but it was translated through man and therefore seems subject to error and human nature.

And I never quite did get how we use the Bible as the basis for marriage. Adam and Eve didn’t get married and many many powerful, Godly, amazing men in the Word had many many wives so how does the Bible become the basis for the one woman, one man marriage.  My angels are probably reading this shaking their heads thinking, “I can’t believe she is wondering again.”

It’s not the first time I wonder who is right and who is wrong and where I fit in with it all and I am sure it won’t be the last. Maybe we will only know after our days on earth are done. It would be nice if the Bible was straightforward and told us without mystery how to live, but imagine how boring life would be if God left us nothing to figure out.